I learned my family recipe for pasta sauce recently and a couple of comics wanted to know how to make it. So last time I whipped up a batch I busted out my iPhone and recorded the process.
Its been four days since the Academy Awards and I’ve just read another feminist blog post talking about Seth Macfarlane’s overly sexist performance as this year’s emcee. The “I Saw Your Boobs” song and a joke about George Clooney eventually having sex with Quvenzhané Wallis, who is currently 9 years old, tend to get the most attention. While this hasn’t exploded quite like the Daniel Tosh rape-joke debacle last year, its really touched a nerve and, for no good reason, I’d like to chime in.
Full disclosure: I didn’t watch the Academy Awards (see previous blog post). I did watch the “Boobs” song to see what the fuss was about (its pretty bad), and I don’t really need to hear the Quvenzhane Wallis joke to know its just wrong. I’ve also read or watched all the questionable jokes/comments at this point. In general it sounds like Macfarlane was given a slew of frat-boy humor to tell with the curious goal of expanding the Academy Awards demographic to attract more male viewers in all the wrong ways. So lets talk about demographics and their relationship to this show.
I should start by stating that yes, Seth Macfarlane’s performance contained a lot of sexism. Unlike Ricky Gervais’ hilarious roasting at the two Golden Globes awards, which included really hard jabs at lead male actors and the Hollywood establishment in general, Macfarlane’s bits tend to revolve around how women are vacant and annoying. This is questionable for a telecast that skews 62% FEMALE (link), and is referenced as the “Super Bowl For Women“. And while some people might think that title is sexist, too, (see link) its a really important way to think about the Oscars relative to female demographics.
You see, in TV and movies you have to have a target demographic. Its primarily a tool for advertisers; if your show’s demographic targets men ages 18 – 30 (see Family Guy) then the companies who buy advertising space on that show are going to be different than the companies who buy ads during Glee. Demographics can include lots of things: income, race, religion, age, gender, sexual orientation. Documentaries and political programs, for example, can get pretty narrow. Generally if you can expand your demographics its seen as a good thing because you attract more advertisers. Now this isn’t always true. Sometimes you nail your demographic so hard other TV stations don’t even try to fucking compete, they just counter program in a completely different demo and accept the loss (See “Glee” at 9pm vs 1600 Penn and 2 dramas that started at 8:30. Guess who’s getting the young female audience ad revenue?). The Oscars are way, way bigger than Glee, tho, and has the potential for way more $ in advertising dollars so it makes sense for them to expand. But the way they did it further proves my suspicion that Hollywood has no idea what its doing, and when they do something right its completely by accident.
How to fuck up a race your winning that has no other participants
In recent years, the Oscars seemed to have embraced its demo. They play up the red carpet show as much as the ceremony itself. The show is produced by two men who specialize in musicals. This year in particular the awards show was compared to the Tony awards because of its numerous musical numbers and paying tribute to recent musical films like Chicago (having been the last musical to win Best Picture). These are what I call GOOD DECISIONS. Women make up the majority of the demographics for musicals and fashion shows. The Oscars have a huge female audience. GIVE YOUR AUDIENCE WHAT IT WANTS. Now yes, gay men watch these shows too (I can already hear people wanting to point that out) but if we’re talking about a 62% female viewership that’s where the advertising dollars are going. Plus this blog is about women so that’s what were focusing on.
So you are winning your demographic hand over fist, but you think you could get some more male viewers. What do you do? A reverse half-time show. The Super-Bowl has a million-dollar-half-time show every year that nobody who watches the game wants to see. Its for their weakest demographic, young women. Everybody knows this and accepts it (more on the NFL later). Now, the Oscars have a host whom everyone usually hates unless its Billy Crystal. I don’t know why this is. Once Hugh Jackman hosted in 2009 I thought that was it, he’d be the host forever. He’s a handsome guy who can sing and dance. He hasn’t hosted since. Bob Hope, Billy Crystal and Johnny Carson have been the most endearing emcees. So if you are an older, self-deprecating comedian who can sing and dance, you’re safe. If only Jon Stewart could hold a tune.
Anyway, the Oscars host is their halftime show, at least this year. Inserting a guy who makes TV shows primarily for adolescent boys is their version of Beyonce singing “Single Ladies” in-between giant supermen trying to kill each other. On paper, it kind of makes sense. Young men don’t watch the Oscars. They like Family Guy. Get the guy who makes Family Guy to host the Oscars. New advertising dollars.
The problem is, young men also like farts, boobs & vaginas, hitting things and thinking women are stupid, especially the ones that are pretty and don’t sleep with them. Its too much of a polar opposite. If you really want to get men to watch the host but without the adolescent baggage, have Deon Sanders do it. He’s charismatic and entertaining. I don’t know if he can sing but we all know he can dance as evidenced by numerous pick-six celebrations. He’s also a family man with a wife and five children. I know this probably sounds crazy but if we are really going to use the host as a bridge for expanding demographics, this would be the most reasonable way to do it outside of comedians like Chris Rock or Jon Stewart, whom everyone seems to hate hosting the Oscars.
In the end we can’t quite blame Seth Macfarlane completely. Lets not forget that the host doesn’t write his own shit. Someone else wrote those jokes and musical numbers because they were “Seth Macfarlane-like” and worked to its demographic ploy. Unfortunately, these people were too stupid to realize they were insulting their main demographic over and over again in the process.
Which brings me back to the NFL. In general, female audiences are a more attractive demographic. Men don’t buy stuff other than beer and fast food. If they didn’t have to wear pants, they would go to work naked. That’s why male-dominated programming like sports always has two types of commercials: beer and fast food. In the end, it makes you wonder why the Oscars would try to attract more male viewers at all. Now, the advertising for shows with female audiences? Well, there’s commercials for makeup, home repair, cooking, clothes, shoes, children’s needs, house cleaning supplies, weight-loss solutions etc etc etc. Are some of these choices stereotypical? YES. Do advertisers care? NO.
So the NFL knows this. They aren’t fools when it comes to making money. So they have made a very well-thought out and well executed push to attract female viewers. And they are the only major sport to really try and do so. They have female sideline reporters now at almost every game and. they are actually knowledgeable and passionate about the sport instead of just pretty faces. In fact, they are more qualified that some (ok, many) of the former players that do reporting. They also keep trying to make the aforementioned half-time show an event in and of itself that is meant a female audience without being pandering. I personally think the Beyonce show was the best they’ve done. They fucking brought Destiny’s Child back. They’ve also acknowledged the popularity of Super Bowl commercials with women. Think about Super Bowl commercials of years past. Budweiser used to have girls in bikini’s busting open sudsy beers by a pool. Last year? A sentimental story about a man and his pet horse. GOOD DECISIONS. The NFL even has a line of clothing just for women and they actively give a shit about it. I remember when women’s NFL jerseys first came out. They were all pink. It was the dumbest thing. Girls who were into football hated them, and rightfully so. How naive and condescending can you be? “Girls want a football jersey to wear? Make it pink!” It failed and they changed the clothes to have team colors and now have celebrity designers. The only pink you see is in October, when the NFL celebrates breast-cancer awareness month by selling pink merchandise that funds breast cancer research. MORE GOOD DECISIONS.
All of this stuff has good intentions, it works (the NFL is bigger than ever and has more female fans than ever) and NONE of it detracts from the game itself. Football is still football. Guys still hit each other with the intent to injure them, and badly. Sometimes they wear pink when they do it, but its for a good cause.
The Academy Awards either needs to figure out the reverse of this or just stop. Having sexist 14-year-old-boy humor in your awards show is so fucking stupid I can’t begin to comprehend how nobody in the production food chain opposed it. And for the record, not all men think sexism is funny. I thought the “Boob Song” and the Quvenzhané Wallis joke were both bad and uncomfortable to watch. Its such a monumental fail on all levels.
If I were The Academy Awards I would call Hugh Jackman right now and check his avails for February 2014. If he’s booked, call Billy Crystal.
Either way, I’m probably still not going to watch. Unless you get Deon Sanders.
Comedian Joe Tobin very kindly offered to have me come over and live-tweet the oscars with him tonight. If you don’t know Joe, he’s a solid comedian, football fan and accomplished guitarist who also makes great chili. And while I would normally take Joe up on this offer (it came with the promise of food) I had to decline. I’m recording some rock-n-roll today with my band and probably won’t be done until the last millionaire has collected their undeserved statuette. So apologies to Joe and to our comedy careers, our absent tweets will probably do us in as Bay Area comedians. Also, I’m gonna miss out on a hell of a casserole.
*i may still live tweet the oscars while not actually watching them. My twitter handle is @realmattmorales
Chinese New Year
I went to the Chinese New Year parade for the first time ever last night. We all know that there is a big parade, but did you know there’s tons of fireworks that are sold for pennies on the dollar and then ignited on the street? It’s true! Now for those of you who don’t know, fireworks are illegal to sell and use in San Francisco (outside of city-approved and paid-for displays, like NYE). But in Chinatown? Fuck it! Load up on the shit and dance through it.
And don’t forget pop pops. Those little annoying poppers are everywhere and they are 5 boxes for a dollar! Fun for adults and children alike.
I’m doing two shows in the mission on Saturday. 8pm at the cynic cave and 10pm at the dark room. The dark room show might sell out, tickets here
So there you go. Go see my shows. Follow me on twitter. Listen to my band so you can get excited about the song I’m recording today. Then get more people into it and form a cult similar to Juggalos and have a dirty white person festival to celebrate my work. Whatever.
I’m at the San Francisco Punch Line tonight for their super-special valentines day show: tickets
My good friend Joe Tobin will be there performing as well, presumably with his shirt ticket into his jeans (he’s been into that lately).
I did all my personal Valentines Day stuff with my girlfriend the past two days. Day one was flowers and chocolate. Yesterday I cooked dinner. I like this whole spreading things out thing better, to be honest. Also, flowers are way cheaper on February 12 than they are in the 14th.
Also, if you have a girlfriend and she says don’t do anything for her for valentines day because she hates the holiday, buy her flowers, chocolate, and cook her dinner. Maybe she does hate the holiday but she loves the shit out of instagramming the stuff you did and showing it off to her friends. Remember, it’s part “I love you” and part “fuck those bitches”.
Going to be on the Comet Comedy show tomorrow: https://www.facebook.com/cometclubcomedy
Its one of a few shows I’ve been booked on recently that I’ve never done before. So far all of these new venues / showcases have been great, and I think this will be the same. Please come see me. It starts at 8:30. Its in the Marina. Please just fucking come see me.
It’s been a good month for shows all-around, to be honest. Red Scott’s room in the Financial District was solid. The Punch Line showcases have been great as usual. And last week’s Run Amok show was probably our best yet.
Ok I’ll stop blowing myself. Come see my show tomorrow. I lub you guys.
My band, Run Amok, is playing in the Mission tonight. Details are here: https://www.facebook.com/events/467815683274986/
If you aren’t familiar with us, we are a three piece that plays early 90’s style alt rock. The songs are all originals, and they aren’t funny. I feel like I need to point that out since I’m obviously known more for doing stand-up comedy than playing guitar in a band. Anyway, I think we are very good and that seeing tonight’s show would be an enjoyable experience. Just fucking go, please.
Thanks to Red Scott for the set at Muphy’s Pub last night. Going to stop by 50 Mason tonight and then I’m on the showcase at the Punch Line this Sunday.
Next week is more music-centric. My band Run Amok is playing at SUBMission in San Francisco on Thursday the 17. Then we are recording a new tune with our favorite producer Steve Murr on Saturday. I’ll be back to telling dick jokes the following week.
I just found out Petaluma has a Batman. Yea. Some guy roams around its tiny, old-timey downtown with a Batman mask and what appears to be a black t-shirt and dickies. This makes me think of a couple of things. 1: I can’t overstate how glad I am I’m in a relationship. I could easily be San Francisco’s Batman, patrolling the Mission District and getting raped on occasion. But I’ve got a lady to spend time with. 2: I can’t stop laughing at the possibility of a follow up news report on this guy that announces he’s dead. Like, maybe he’d try to stop a real crime like a robbery and he gets shot. The image on the news is some dipshit in a costume crumbled on the ground wearing a Halloween mask. God, something might be wrong with me but I think that’s the funniest shit ever. I mean, I hope nothing bad actually happens to this guy. But fuck me, that would be a riot.
Time to call my picks for football this weekend.
Seattle over Atlanta.
Pats over Houston.
Denver over Baltimore.
San Francisco over Green Bay.
The SF / GB one is the hardest to pick. In the end, I’m just going for the team with home field advantage. But I might eat it on that one.
Alright that’s it. I’m out.
I was wrong SEC. You guys are awesome. Texas A&M is included in this message.
Doing a set a Murphy’s Pub this Thursday. 217 Kearny in SF. Thanks to Red Scott for the set. Look him up. Funny guy. Red hair.
I moved back to San Francisco from Los Angeles in September, 2010. Two and a half years later, I’m still hearing this,
“Hey man, you live here?”
Truth be told, this is my fault. My gradual disappearance from the comedy scene started around May 2011. I had been on a tear since moving back; getting moved to feature at the Punch Line, doing the Bridgetown Festival, and generally just performing my ass off. Then, after a great set at The Business where I recounted my LA journey, I completely lost interest. After leaving Southern California, my attitude towards comedy was that I did it because I had something I wanted to say. I wasn’t chasing a career, just speaking my mind. After that set, I just didn’t feel like I had any stories worth telling anymore. Suddenly I hated performing. Sure, I did shows occasionally, but only ones that I was booked for and only if I was being paid. This became especially true when I started going back to school in January 2012. For the first time in ten years I was spending nights at home. I read a book. I watched movies I had always wanted to see. I spent time with my girlfriend, cooking meals and going to bars. I was pretty happy. No, scratch that, I was perfectly happy. And all the while everyone else just figured I still lived in LA.
But now I’m performing again. Why? Same reasons as before, because I want to. The specifics are different, this time around I’ve got more to prove. There are goals that I have that I won’t go into. I will say that one thing I’m looking to address is that question, “you still live here”?
I was asked that three times last night at the Punch Line. Kevin O’Shea had a great observation. I was asking him about places to grab sets. He mentioned that , “if you don’t do the shit, people forget you.” That was in between two “you still live here’s”? So I guess I’m back to doing rough rooms, performing for drunks and crackheads (this excludes the aforementioned show I’m doing for Red Scott. That show will be solid, Red is a good man. Red hair.)
Be willing to do shitty mics sounds like a weird New Years Resolution. But I’ve learned an important lesson recently. If you don’t leave your comfort zone, you can never grow creatively. And there’s nothing more uncomfortable than making people laugh in a room that smells like piss.
I won’t be at Kell’s tonight or Saturday. Turns out there was a scheduling mix up. Kevin Camia will still be there, however, and he is always worth seeing. So you should still go. I may be there anyway. Might even do a short 7 minute set. Just fucking go please. Oh god, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for swearing, it’s just early.
Other things I’m thinking about right now…
Peter David (PAD) had a stroke and I’m devastated. If you don’t know who PAD is, the guy is one of the greatest comic book writers and Star Trek novelists ever. His comics were a huge part of my childhood and are the reason for The Incredible Hulk being my favorite comic book character. I had the pleasure of meeting him, albeit briefly, at a comic book convention several years ago. You would have thought I met Michael Jordan. I was so star struck in front of this bald, be-speckled, overweight man that I could hardly get the words out to tell him how much his work meant to me. His wife is updating his blog with his progress and, thankfully, his mental capacity appears to have been spared. But his body hasn’t been as fortunate, and the full extent of the damage hasn’t been revealed. To follow what is happening to PAD go to his blog at www.peterdavid.net. If you want to discover his writing, I encourage you to read his 12-year run on The Incredible Hulk, starting in 1987. Yes, I have every issue. No, you can’t borrow them.
In happier news, fuck the SEC
Louisville beat Florida in the Sugar Bowl and I couldn’t be happier. You’d think watching LSU lose their bowl game would be sweeter but I met many Louisville fans while in New Orleans last week and they were class acts. They outnumbered the Florida fans in town, btw, which adds to my suspicion that the SEC and their fans have become complacent in their recent domination. And I stress “recent”. LSU fans behave as if they and the rest of the SEC have ruled NCAA football forever. I remember the 2004 National Championship, and I remember that it had been 50 years since LSU won that shit. It’s been 10 years of SEC running the table, and its (thankfully) leveling out. Yes, the defenses are great but the ground-and-pound field goal party garbage is fucking boring and unwatchable. Remember the arduous Bama/LSU championship? Fucking yuck. You see, SEC fans don’t understand that that is the reason USC and Oregon and Stanford get massive tv coverage despite SEC teams being (until this year) superior. It’s because the offenses are awesome and entertaining to watch. Take your three-and-outs and field goals and shove them up your ass, SEC. Congrats to Louisville and good luck to Notre Dame.
as of this writing SEC is 3-3 in bowl games this year
Ok, time for work. Thanks for reading.